My First Time Mom Story

I was browsing through my Instagram a few weeks ago and I saw an inspirational post from @mytinywardrobesydney. It was a snippet about what a mum goes through after giving birth to a premature bub. 

When Yo was born.

This simple post hit home really hard. I can't imagine going back 7 months ago when I was a first time mum staring through a glass window at my son who was fighting for his life. 

Yo in the NICU.

Before marriage and pregnancy, I was actually a NICU nurse in Manila. Admitting and caring for premature babies were everyday occurrences in a NICU nurse's life. Little did I know that one day, my own Bub would be like the babies I used to care for. 

When my first born son was admitted to the ICU, everything felt different to me. I was back in the NICU, not anymore as a nurse but as a patient. And being back there as a mom made me see the place as if I was there for the first time. I didn't have the composure or confidence I used to have. All I had was an unsettled mind wondering if my child was going to make it.

After 3 days post-delivery, I was discharged by my doctor and was informed that my son had to stay for another week. I couldn't fathom how I felt when I heard those words. Deep inside, I blamed myself and questioned why I was okay but my son wasn't. I couldn't understand it. 

I didn't want to understand it. 

I was angry. 

I was so angry but I was bound on a wheelchair, helpless. I realized I couldn't do anything, so I just cried.  

My husband and I visited our bub everyday after I got discharged from the hospital. We brought him expressed breastmilk for his night time feeding and I tried to latch him when he wasn't in distress. I was so emotionally weak at that point in my life that I'm glad my husband was there to be strong for the 3 of us and empower me to stay hopeful. 

After a week, they checked my son but he still had jaundice. They asked us if we would be willing to leave him in the hospital for a few more days but my husband was confident that we can heal him naturally at home. And so our Bub was sent home.

When Johan came home.

At home I continued to breastfeed him despite his jaundice. The doctor said it was okay as long as we let him have his daily 30-minute, early morning sun exposure. His jaundice eventually resolved completely after 2 months. It took longer than we expected but I'm glad it was healed eventually. 

Early morning sun exposure to resolve his jaundice.

Fast forward to 7 months later, we've almost forgotten how it felt to be in the NICU. Now we are more concerned with what food to give him, or his play time, his teething, and his trying to crawl. 

Hubby and 6-month old Bunny in the library.

I'm glad to have found a post that reminds me of the challenges we went through and how we've triumphed over them. Thank you @mytinywardrobesydney for the challenge! 

How about you? What is your first time mom story? If you're a blogger and you respond to this challenge with a post, please tag me. 

Love,

Jacq